ask. believe. receive.

there is a part of me that has been dreading this post, but i feel like in order to get this blog really started and to understand who i am and where i currently am in my life, i need to get this out.

the first 21 years of my life were what many people would define as perfect. i never caused any trouble, did fine in school, got along with my parents and my sister, got a scholarship to college. maybe you could have asked more of me, but not a whole lot. in june of 2009, my world was shaken to its core. i had just finished my junior year of college when i found out one of my best friends for the past 7 years was diagnosed with lung cancer. little miss jillian costello had stave iv lung cancer and there was nothing i could do about it. i will never forget the moment i found out, or the moment i first saw her after her diagnoses. all that aside, jill was ready to fight so she put on a brave face and put up the battle of her life.

i will spare you the emotional details of the proceeding year, but suffice it to say it was hard. i spent many a dinner and evening with jilly, sometimes out and about, sometimes snuggled up in her bed just talking about life. she was the most courageous, genuine, inspirational person i have ever meant. she taught me what it meas to love, to appreciate every single day, to be the best i possibly can, and to live my best life.

in june of 2010, my little friend jillian helene costello died of lung cancer. since then, not a day has gone by that i haven't thought about her. not a day has gone by that i have been grateful that i had her as a friend. i know that no matter how much time goes by, i will never forget her or the lessons she has taught me.

jilly, wherever you are up there, know that i miss you and love you every day. i'm not sure i believed that everything happens for a reason until you left us, but now i see that this world is a better place because of you. one day, we will be able to stand up and say that we have beat lung cancer. when this day comes, know that if it hadn't been in part because of you we never would have made it here. until then, i promise to keep on fighting every single day until we get there. thank you for everything you taught me and for helping me become the person i am today. i know and believe you are never far from me, always watching over me and everyone else you love. rest in peace my sweet girl. xoxoxoxo